PCCA Journal|2
nd
Quarter 2013
17
our emotional brain. When you feel yourself becoming
emotionally charged, take a moment and take a break.
Breathe. And then breathe some more. Access your wise
mind—the conjunction of the emotional and the logical
brain.
5.
Know that you can be right without being righteous, that
you can disagree without being disagreeable, and that
you can debate without being debilitating.
6.
Practice the Tetris Effect. The computer game, Tetris,
can be highly addictive. After many hours at the com-
puter, players report that when they walk away from the
keyboard, they see the world in shapes and patterns and
mentally rearrange a room to “stack up” as in a Tetris
game. In other words, they see what they have been fo-
cusing on. If you begin to focus more on positive behav-
iors, you will see positive behaviors. Give it a shot; it’s
well worth the try.
7.
Take action and have the difficult conversations. And
more importantly, take time to prepare. We often avoid
these much-needed conversations, and the results are a
continuation of behaviors that do not serve our company
well. By having a candid (and kind) conversation, you
can save an employee, save a job, save your relationships,
and especially in your industry, save a life.
8.
Turn stress I into stress II for your employees. Stress I is
the initial, often paralyzing response. Stress II does not
alleviate the issue, but at this level, adapting and coping
skills kick in. Life happens, and when things go awry, es-
pecially if the consequences are crucial, immediately take
the helm and infuse the moment with a sense of calm.
You may not be able to solve the problem or undo what
has been done, but you can help your people avoid panic,
conjecture, and anxiety.
9.
Prepare for critical times. Your industry is a tough one. To
further elaborate on tip 8, prepare for times when every
part of your team is impacted. Be the voice of reason—
and the voice of hope. This is a skill that great leaders
prepare for in advance. Add this tip from Dr. Vincent
Covello, of the Center for Risk Communication, to your
communication. The formula is CCO:
• C for compassion.
The first thing people need to know
is that you care.
• C for confidence.
Use words like, “I’m confident
that....”
• O for optimism.
Let the listeners know that in spite of
this situation, you are optimistic about the future and
they can be, too.
10.
Be the relationship champion. Let’s face it. We find our-
selves dealing with strife and conflict at work, at home,
and even in our places of worship. Sometimes relation-
ships take a nosedive—other times they simply fizzle out.
Look around. Is there a faltering relationship in your life?
Is stubbornness or the need to be right overriding your
need to be happy? Can you find the conversation “olive
branch” and reach out with “other focus” to clear the
slate? If not you, then who?
So, there you have it in a nutshell—or should I say in 15
nutshells? I encourage you to take an honest look at your
communication habits. To ask yourself some hard questions.
To check in with your trusted advisors. To step away from
the computer, put away your smart phone, leave your office,
walk down the hall or drive to the jobsite, and put the con-
versation back into communication.
You will be glad you did, and so will the people you work
and live with.
To receive a “Guideline for Tough Conversations,” contact Shir-
ley at
. Or engage in a conversa-
tion by phoning (770) 823-8668.
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